you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize