I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
