dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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