i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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