If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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