How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she told me i tasted like america
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
