it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
