my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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