I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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