Buhtt sex?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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