i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
