i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
