I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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