I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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