Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
