I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
