Jerry, you need to find god
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
