I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
