today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
