If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
