Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
