so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
