When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
