You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
