Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
