I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
