my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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