Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
