..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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