what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
