he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
