I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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