...so i touched it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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