if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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