don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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