clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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