I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
