I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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