My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
