is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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