I can text with my tongue
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
