Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
