I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
