Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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