ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
