At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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