He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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