i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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