Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
