I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
