he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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