He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
