Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
