I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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