He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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