so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it's like iHOP with fire
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
