Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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