Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
