when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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