My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
