I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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