tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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