My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
