am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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