dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
