And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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