apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
