Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize