Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
