did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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