I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The Olympian is in my bed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
