My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
